the blacklist

chatgpt's favorite key. real people press comma.

/[^\S\n]*[—–][^\S\n]*/g

nobody has ever typed one into a social post on purpose.

/;[^\S\n]*/g

false modesty for sentences. say what it is.

/(?:it'?s |this is )not (?:just |only )about ([^,.;]+)[,;]\s*it'?s (?:about )?/gi

"x isn't y. it's z." the single most machine-shaped sentence in english.

/([a-z][^.!?]*?) (?:isn'?t|is not) ([^.!?]+)\.\s*it'?s ([^.!?]+\.)/gi

same trick squeezed into one sentence. still a tell.

/([a-z][^,.!?]*?) (?:isn'?t|is not) ([^,.!?]+),\s*it'?s ([^.!?]+)/gi

a dichotomy nobody asked for.

/\bless about [^,.!?]+? and more (about )/gi

the throat-clear. delete it and nothing is lost.

/\bessentially,?\s*/gi

a philosophy degree clearing its throat.

/\bfundamentally,?\s*/gi

then argue it.

/\barguably,?\s*/gi

the reader decides what's interesting.

/\binterestingly,?\s*/gi

doubt.

/\bundoubtedly,?\s*/gi

if you have to label it important, it wasn't.

/\bimportantly,?\s*/gi

compared to what.

/\bsignificantly,?\s*/gi

no human has ever said this out loud.

/\bmoreover,?\s*/gi

moreover's attorney.

/\bfurthermore,?\s*/gi

we were already being real.

/\blet'?s be real:?\s*/gi

it has 40,000 likes. it's popular.

/^unpopular opinion:?\s*/i

label removed. takes must survive at room temperature.

/^hot take:?\s*/i

father, forgive the format.

/^confession:?\s*/i

suspicious that you have to say it.

/^true story:?\s*/i

it's never just you. 9,000 posts this week.

/^is it just me,? or\s*/i

skip to the noticing.

/^i'?ve noticed that\s*/i

just say the thing.

/^here'?s the thing:?\s*/i

you were already telling us.

/^let me tell you:?\s*/i

the lesson never survives this opener.

/^here'?s what i'?ve learned:?\s*/i

clickbait's little brother.

/^here'?s why:?\s*/i

the spoiler is that nothing surprising follows.

/^spoiler alert:?\s*/i

there was no plot.

/^plot twist:?\s*/i

we're readers. we were already imagining.

/^imagine this:?\s*/i

no.

/^picture this:?\s*/i

toxic positivity's signature.

/\s*and that'?s okay\.?\s*$/i

we read it the first time. once was plenty.

/\s*read that again\.?\s*$/i

it sank. it drowned. 2019 wants its closer back.

/\s*let that sink in\.?\s*$/i

we were, until you asked.

/\s*think about that\.?\s*$/i

spat it out.

/\s*chew on that\.?\s*$/i

stood up.

/\s*sit with that\.?\s*$/i

/\bdoing the heavy lifting\b/gi

/\bthe (?:baseline|ground|goalposts?) (?:has |have )?(?:shifted|moved)(?:\s+(?:under|beneath) (?:their|your) feet)?/gi

/\bmoved the goalposts\b/gi

/\b(?:the|here'?s the)\s+(?:wild|crazy|insane|scary)\s+part[?:.]/gi

/\bhere'?s what nobody (?:tells|is telling|told) you[?:.]?/gi

/\bthe part nobody (?:talks about|mentions|wants to talk about)[?:.]?/gi

/\bmost people (?:still )?(?:haven'?t|don'?t|never) (?:noticed|realized?|see|get)\b/gi

/\bnobody(?:'?s| is)? (?:even )?talking about\b/gi

/\bwhile everyone(?:'?s| is| was)?\s+(?:distracted|busy|focused|arguing|sleeping)\b/gi

you don't want a take. you want a comment for the algorithm.

/\s*what'?s your take\??\s*$/i

a question mark doing sales.

/\s*what do you (?:think|reckon)\??\s*$/i

the laziest word in engagement farming.

/\s*thoughts\??\s*$/i

no.

/\s*agree\??\s*$/i

structurally, yes.

/\s*am i wrong\??\s*$/i

an ending.

/\s*am i missing something\??\s*$/i

curiosity has never once looked like this.

/\s*curious (?:to hear |what )?(?:your |everyone'?s )?(?:thoughts|take)\??\s*$/i

we know why you want that.

/\s*let me know(?: in the comments)?[.!?]?\s*$/i

nobody is fighting. everyone is scrolling.

/\s*fight me[.!?]?\s*$/i

a folding table nobody sat down at.

/\s*change my mind[.!?]?\s*$/i

fine: the closer is wrong.

/\s*tell me i'?m wrong[.!?]?\s*$/i

no one delved between 1987 and 2023. one model revived it alone.

/\bdelv(e|es|ed|ing)\b/gi

your q3 review is not a textile.

/\btapestry\b/gi

you mean 'use'. you always meant 'use'.

/\bleverag(e|es|ed|ing)\b/gi

it was a signup flow.

/\bjourney\b/gi

content is not terrain. stop surveying it.

/\blandscape\b/gi

a word for software that has never once crashed for you personally.

/\brobust\b/gi

the seams are visible from here.

/\bseamlessly\b/gi

the metrics are not orphans. stop raising them.

/\bfoster(s|ed|ing)?\b/gi

the game remains unchanged.

/\bgame-?chang(er|ing)\b/gi

your insights were never locked.

/\bunlock(s|ed|ing)?\b/gi

it's a blog post, not an elevator.

/\belevat(e|es|ed|ing)\b/gi

retired in 2003. exhumed by AI.

/\bparadigm\b/gi

legal only as a joke. we checked.

/\bsynerg(y|ies|istic)\b/gi

your marketing plan does not have chakras.

/\bholistic\b/gi

so is a rock.

/\bmultifaceted\b/gi

calling it 'nuanced' is the least nuanced move available.

/\bnuanced\b/gi

nothing pivoted.

/\bpivotal\b/gi

the ground is fine.

/\bgroundbreaking\b/gi

you read an email.

/\bnavigat(e|es|ed|ing)\b/gi

it got four likes.

/\bresonat(e|es|ed|ing)\b/gi

nobody received any power.

/\bempower(s|ed|ing)?\b/gi

nothing transformed.

/\btransformative\b/gi

there is no pond.

/\becosystem\b/gi

people. they're people.

/\bstakeholder(s)?\b/gi

the word is 'useful'.

/\bactionable\b/gi

not a word. never was.

/\bimpactful\b/gi

your anecdote does not need to scale.

/\bscalable\b/gi

if it were, you wouldn't need the adjective.

/\binnovative\b/gi

the format that ate linkedin. yes, our own slogan matches it. one exemption, framed on the wall.

/^stop [a-z]+ing\b/i

today's date is available. use it.

/\bin today'?s [^,.\n]{0,40}?(?:world|landscape|environment|market|age)\b/i

nobody thrilled has ever typed 'thrilled'.

/\b(?:thrilled|humbled|excited|honou?red) to (?:announce|share)\b/gi

there is no water.

/\blet'?s dive in\b/gi

the ado was you.

/\bwithout further ado\b/gi

that rocket has carried more bad news than nasa.

/🚀/g