what does "touch grass" mean?
"touch grass" is the internet's way of saying "hey bestie, you've been online too long and it shows." it's both an insult and genuine advice, depending on context and delivery.
the phrase suggests that the person has been so deep in online discourse that they've lost touch with how normal humans think and behave. the prescription? go outside. touch some grass. remember that twitter isn't real life.
when to deploy "touch grass"
appropriate uses:
- someone's been arguing about the same topic for 14 hours straight
- a person is treating a minor online disagreement like a war crime
- anyone who knows way too much about extremely niche internet drama
- your own internal monologue after your 47th refresh of the timeline
inappropriate uses:
- as a genuine response to someone making a valid point
- when you're losing an argument and have nothing else
- when you yourself haven't touched grass in weeks
the self-aware touch grass
the chronically online have reclaimed this phrase. now it's common to see:
"i know i need to touch grass but hear me out-"
"this is such a terminally online take but-"
"going to log off and touch grass (lie)"
it's become a form of self-deprecating humor acknowledging that yes, we know we're too online, but we're not going to do anything about it.
signs you need to touch grass
- you understood every reference in this glossary
- you have opinions about internet microcelebrities
- you've used "delulu" unironically in the past week
- your screen time report made you feel something
- you're reading a shitposting glossary right now
the paradox
here's the thing: the people telling others to touch grass are usually also extremely online. it takes one to know one. the call is coming from inside the house.
true grass-touching individuals don't know what ratio means. they don't have twitter discourse opinions. they're out there, living their lives, blissfully unaware of whatever main character moment is happening today.
we are not those people. we are here. reading about grass on a screen.